Sad Thoughts From A Penn State Alum

If Jerry Sandusky (or, god forbid, anyone else) was sexually molesting young boys for the last 15 to 20 years, he is solely responsible for the damage done to the growing list of victims. Absolutely none of the blame for that damage should be placed on a graduate assistant, a coach, an AD, a president, or anyone else. If the damage had ended there, with the victims, then the blame would end there too. As a university, my alma mater would have recovered, even if the victims and their families may never do the same.

But it didn’t end there.

I attended Penn State from 1999 to 2004, and I had an excellent experience. In these last few days I’ve found myself wishing that my time in State College had been stained by a painful set of revelations about a sexual scandal that had taken place in our football department, that was being reported to the authorities and handled completely and appropriately by our university. But none of that happened. We went along eating pizza from the Big Onion in East Halls, studying in the Paterno library, and measuring our most annoying experiences by how long we had to listen to the Willard preacher warn us of coming hellfire and damnation. He was right, in a way.

As more boys were hurt, it looks like my university decided to keep it quiet to protect itself from a heap of sickening shame. They rolled the dice, and they lost, and now those boys aren’t the only victims of this awful mess. And this new batch of consequences—the current team of football players, the current Penn State students and faculty, the potential beneficiaries of Penn State research who won’t be helped because donors will pull their money—these ones are the university’s responsibility. Every person who looked the other way for so long is responsible for the compounded shame that will hang over Happy Valley for a very long time.

A lot of my fellow alumni are responding to this with sadness, but also with a reaffirmation about what makes Penn State great. I understand why, but I disagree with it. Our university spent years trying to duck this shame; I think it’s our duty now to wear it for a time.

Reaching into my 1-year-old son’s dresser this morning, I happened to pull out a pair of navy blue Penn State sweat pants that I immediately shoved back into the bottom of the drawer. I hope State College gets this right, and that they come out with the truth, no matter how awful, and that they do everything in their power and more to make amends—first to the victims and then to the community. But for right now, I don’t want my son to be any part of Penn State tradition. I’m not even sure if I want to be part of it myself.